Casual Indifference (a Superpower)
UNFORGETTABLE MOMENT- With AJ.
Circa: Way Back When- When we were both young in our relationship.
Setting: Separated (details not relevant).
Parties Involved: Me, my wife (AJ), and her angry Apartment Mgr.
BACKGROUND:
We were getting back together, the kids were in school, and I was in AJ’s apartment sitting on the couch. We heard a knock at the door, and AJ promptly opened it, to greet a very disturbed-looking Apt Mgr.
The following conversation took place in the Apt entry, but it has resonated in my memory for the last 30-some years. For, what transpired- was absolutely outstanding! To me, it was a MASTER CLASS on how to deal with people who try to lay their trips on you. To this very day, I am STILL dumbfounded at AJ’s remarkable demonstration of EQUANIMITY, and it now serves as a high benchmark to strive for.
THE CONVERSATION:
Apt. Mgr. (aggressively implicating): “You’re 5 days late with the rent.”
AJ (composed demeanor): “I know, I am really sorry, but I just don’t have the money.”
Apt. Mgr. (accusatory): “You’re a stay-over tenant…”
AJ (nonchalantly maintaining her emotional distance): “I’ll be leaving this weekend.”
Apt. Mgr. (visibly upset): “But you owe me money!”
AJ (in the kindest & sweetest voice): “I realize that. I am really sorry.”
Apt. Mgr. (agitated raising her voice).:” Your credit will be ruined by not paying! Do you realize that?!”
AJ (emphatically smiling): ”I understand.”
Apt. Mgr. (trying to get a rise out of AJ): “You CANNOT stay here without paying rent!”
AJ (calmly reassuring):” It’s Thursday- I’ll be moving out Saturday morning.”
Apt. Mgr. (elevating her voice louder to get an emotional response): ”But you OWE ME MONEY for the whole month. I WANT the money!”
AJ (unmoved & as cool as a cucumber): “I don’t have the money. I’m really sorry.”
AJ stood in front of the Apt. Mgr. unshaken and with calm assertiveness, just SMILED. Having FAILED from her many attempts to knock AJ off her square and with blood vessels bursting from her brain- the Apt. Mgr. rudely turned to exit the premise. Afterwards, AJ serenely shut the door, as if nothing happened, and my mouth just hung open in awe... WOW! Double WOW!
P.S.
From that day forward, I learned the Superpower of Casual Indifference. Having witnessed firsthand, it became a Gear in my Repertoire. On that day, at that moment- AJ exemplified and embodied the definition of Equanimity (with the emphasis on being Casually Indifferent & Cooly Detached). I created an acronym to better grasp the bone-marrow meaning of Equanimity.
I call it H.I.G.L.I.D.E:
H-Habitual self-possession in the face of danger & excitement.
I-Inherent evenness of temper during trying situations.
G-Great coolness and presence of mind.
L-Lofty clear peace of mind.
I-Casual Indifference and
D- Cool Detachment from situations that can disturb one emotionally.
E-Discipling of ones Emotions.
B.P.S.
You know, when you hit rock bottom, man- you can’t fall off the floor. Although AJ’s exterior presented an austere front- deep down inside, protecting her soul was a warrior princess, much like Shuri (from the movie Black Panther)- warding off the negative energy of her opponent. Thank you for your display of GRACE, my love! I give you an eternal standing salute- from the Lookout Post.